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SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up
SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up is a video game for the Nintendo DS, Nintendo DSi, and "Wie" platforms, as well as the PC, Mac, and Linux operating systems, released in January 2010 and developed by Whothefuckcares Productions. It is the first game in the series of the same name, and is a spin-off focusing on USG and ESB's cousin, SquareBoy, as he tries to save a kidnapped Barack Obama from Republicans. The game is rated AO for Adults Only, due to blood, disturbing imagery, violence, use of drugs and alcohol, strong language, strong sexual content, and nudity. Upon release, the game received favorable reviews from critics, but was universally panned by members of the Republican Party. A sequel. SquareBoy's Super Smash-Up 2: The Revenge of Nixon, was released in summer 2011. Plot SquareBoy, a resident of Squareville (a small city in the rural Midwest populated entirely by talking green cubes), receives a ransom note from an unknown source, later revealed to be former President of the United States, George W. Bush. Bush informs SquareBoy that he has kidnapped current President, Barack Obama, and is planning on taking over the world and turning Squareville into a stronghold for the Republican Party. Due to SquareBoy's unstoppable rage against Republicans, he plots to stop him. After his cousins, USG and ESB, refuse to help him, he ventures through various worlds to attempt to defeat Bush, aided by Alexandre Q. Beandot, a French salesman. Worlds World 1 - Greeny Greenhouse Greeny Greenhouse serves as an introduction to the game, featuring non-threatening enemies such as Beandots, Bubble Barfs, and Jinglepoques. Alexandre's headquarters are located here, with a large variety of items for SquareBoy to purchase. The levels are composed of grassy plains with a few trees and small bodies of water. The boss of this world is Hangcat, a ferocious and limbless cat hanging by a rope from a tree. *'1-1: Generic Green Grasslands' - A basic grassland level with few obstacles. *'1-2: High Anxiety Hill' - A large hill that briefly dips into the sky, where Parabeandots abound. *'1-3: Beandot Bay' - A grassland/lakeside area featuring the game's first underwater segment. *'1-4: Hanging Gardens '- A vast greenhouse with dangerous gardens where Hangcat is fought. World 2 - Doomy Desert This world is a generic desert world, featuring pyramids, a Sphinx with the head of George W. Bush, plentiful amounts of Cacktoots and Mama Cacktoots (including a whole village of them), pits of quicksand, and an oasis. Due to the blistering heat, SquareBoy is forced to buy canteens in order to stay alive. The boss of this world is Cactus Creepo, a large, sentient cactus with a disturbing grin that was brought to life by Bush's magic dust. *'2-1: Pyramid Plaza '- A basic desert level with an underground segment and quicksand. *'2-2: Cacktoot Village '- A desert town filled to the brim with Cacktoots, both friendly and not. *'2-3: Sparkling Oasis '- An oasis level with both land and underwater sections. *'2-4: Blistering Badlands '- A marathon of a desert level where Cactus Creepo is eventually fought. World 3 - Throw-Your-Cookies Volcano The third world is a mix between lava plains, a magma river, and the titular volcano. Fire Snakes, massive enemies that serve as minibosses, are found here, as are Dopoboos and Downpoboos. Alexandre operates a shop here, with more advanced weapons such as ball-'n'-chains and small bazookas. Torchtle, a turtle with a torch on its back that shoots out fireballs and can somehow fly despite not having wings, is the boss of this world. *'3-1: Volcanic Valley '- The entrance to the volcano, featuring flaming debris falling from the sky. *'3-2: Lukewarm Lava Lair '- A volcanic level with rickety platforms built over giant pools of lava. *'3-3: Fire Snake River '- A river made of magma where Fire Snakes constantly pursue SquareBoy. *'3-4: Steamtorch Sauna' - A steamy level with fire and water where Torchtle is fought. World 4 - Djinn's Hideout This world is Arabian Nights-themed, and features large towers and pastel sunsets. In addition, SquareBoy rides a magic carpet for part of the world, and there is a lack of enemies but an abundance of puzzles. SquareBoy meets the Djinn, who seems to be willing to help him on his adventure, and an enigmatic flying treasure chest that plants traps near him. The chest, known as Magic Chest, serves as the boss of the world, and once it is defeated, Djinn (who is actually George W. Bush in disguise) pops out and fights SquareBoy as a second boss. *'4-1: Supernatural Spire '- A vertical tower filled with trap doors and puzzles. *'4-2: Mystical Marketplace '- A level going through the bustling downtown of the city. *'4-3: Magic Carpet Mayhem '- A flying level where SquareBoy purchases his own magic carpet. *'4-4: Lucid Labyrinth '- A vast maze where Magic Chest and the Djinn are eventually fought. World 5 - Beachy Palm Beach The fifth world has a tropical flair to it, and SquareBoy encounters new enemies such as Patty Crabbies and Growlguts, which are small fish. Swimming is featured prominently in this world, as well as a mysterious location called "Hula Babe Island." The levels in this world alternate between land, beach, and sea, and the boss is Bubblebutt, a massive, big-lipped fish that farts out bubbles. *'5-1: Shimmering Shore '- A classic beach level with an underwater segment and many Patty Crabbies. *'5-2: Deep Sea Dive '- An exclusively underwater level featuring a maze and schools of Growlguts. *'5-3: Hula Babe Island '- A hidden island level featuring the reason this game was given an AO rating. *'5-4: Bubble Butte '- A large hill in the middle of the ocean leading to an underwater fight with Bubblebutt. World 6 - Jingle Jungle In the sixth world, which resembles a rainforest, Jinglepoques are abundant and SquareBoy ventures to the top of very tall trees. Riding on clouds is another new gimmick, and Alexandre holds a shop here where SquareBoy can buy large machetes, which help with clearing vines out of the way and dispatching enemies, but are sold at a steep price. The boss of this world is Chunky Monkey, a morbidly obese primate with quivering jowls who drops bombs on SquareBoy. *'6-1: Jingle Japes' *'6-2: High Tree Bluff' *'6-3: Viney Vine Climb' *'6-4: Treacherous Treetops' World 7 - Ice Skating Kink SquareBoy ventures out into the icy north for the seventh world, where he purchases a pair of ice skates and fights enemies such as Ice Kates. In addition, zambonis are featured and are able to be ridden, providing an easier way of transportation. The snowy weather forces SquareBoy to bundle up. The boss of this world is Nater Skater, a strange, lanky, extremely fast man with ice skates. *'7-1: Ice Kate Fields' *'7-2: Zambonium Pandemonium' *'7-3: Milkshake Lake' *'7-4: Snowbound Stadium' World 8 - Rocky Mountain The eighth world features SquareBoy climbing up a large mountain. The enemies and terrain get tougher as he progresses up the mountain, and tough features such as new enemies (including Turdburd, an avian who defecates on SquareBoy) and giant rolling boulders appear. In addition, SquareBoy can use drills to explore underground caves. The boss of the world is The Rocker, a potato who plays the electric guitar. *'8-1: Boulder Boulevard' *'8-2: Crystal Cave' *'8-3: Rickety Rocky Lift' *'8-4: Pendulous Peak' World 9 - Spooky Bayou In the penultimate world, SquareBoy travels to a Louisiana bayou, which turns out to be haunted. Creepy raft rides abound, and enemies such as Beeuts flit about. He must also utilize lanterns due to the perpetual blackness, and hard-to-traverse swamps are plentiful. The boss of this world is Lanternion, a possessed lantern demon who chases SquareBoy on his raft. *'9-1: Slimy Swamp' *'9-2: N'Orlins at Night' *'9-3: Pitch-Black Path' *'9-4: Rapid Raft Wrath' World 10 - The White House SquareBoy finally makes it to the White House, which has been rigged with traps and taken over by Bush and his Republican cronies. Dodging Secret Service agents, sprinting through the National Mall while being attacked by brainwashed Congressmen, and defacing important historic documents are all common pastimes in this world. The boss is George W. Bush himself, who is outfitted with an army tank and tons of artillery, but once defeated, the brains behind the operation is revealed to actually be former Vice President, Dick Cheney, and he is fought as the true final boss. Once both are taken care of, Obama is saved and SquareBoy promptly leaves to go get tacos. *'10-1: Secret Security Sneak' *'10-2: National Mall Ass Haul' *'10-3: Constitution Crack-Up' *'10-4: Brainteaser Beatdown' *'10-5: The Final Battle...?' World 11 - Pine Tree Panic This world, which is one of three secret worlds, is a plains/forest-type area with sentient trees that try to fling SquareBoy off of them at any opportunity. Dodging the trees is not an easy task, and tough enemies such as Vinny Vultures lurk in them, but the trees must be used to progress through certain levels. The boss of this level is Big, Bad Butt Cheeks, a large, hairy, disembodied buttocks with a face who burrows underground and has massive tree trunks growing out of it. *'11-1: Peaceful Pine Grove '- A forest overrun with Vinny Vultures that features multiple paths. *'11-2: Evergreen Extravaganza '- A prairie which SquareBoy must use Terrible Trees to navigate. *'11-3: Logjammin' '- A chaotic log ride level which also involves the return of the Hula Babes. *'11-4: Coniferous Carnage '- A pine forest level with even more Terrible Trees and the long-awaited fight with Big, Bad Butt Cheeks. World 12 - Bush Dog's Domain George W. Bush's dog, "Barney," who apparently has rabies, invites SquareBoy to his doghouse to "play" with him for the second secret world. Said dog house is much bigger on the inside, and actually resembles a castle, and is of course filled with tons of extremely lethal traps. Barney, also known as Bush Dog, is the boss of the world. World 13 - Lilypad Lake In the final secret world, SquareBoy ventures to a nearby lake/swamp, which is overrun by creatures called Funny Pads and Frowny Pads. After swimming through tons of water-filled puzzles and dodging said Pads, the boss of the world is fought: Lilly Pad Lips, a disembodied pair of large, pink, chapped lips with two lily pads acting as its eyes. Enemies *'Beandot' - Small, docile, Goomba-esque creatures that can be defeated with nearly anything. Alexandre's kin. *'Parabeandot '- Winged Beandots that are slightly harder to hit. *'Bubble Barf' - Bubble-shaped enemies that vomit on SquareBoy and can be popped by any sharp object. *'Jinglepoque '- Bell-like enemies that emanate deadly sound waves. *'Winglepoque '- Winged Jinglepoques that can dive-bomb SquareBoy. *'Cacktoot' - Prickly cactus-like enemies that must be hit from afar. *'Mama Cacktoot' - Large Cacktoots that increase in power when their children are defeated. *'Dopoboo' - Familiar-looking fireballs that jump from lava pools. *'Downpoboo' - Familiar-looking fireballs that jump down from the ceiling. *'Fire Snake' - Massive reptilian creatures that chase SquareBoy down lava-filled rivers. *'Patty Crabby' - Crabs that scuttle back and forth and can use their claws to pinch SquareBoy. *'Growlgut '- Small fish that become more powerful when in schools. *'dirtgirlword '- Strange living piles of dirt with facial features that can burrow underground and teleport. *'Ice Kate' - Speedy shoelike creatures that attack in hordes. *'Turdburd' - Avian enemies that defecate on SquareBoy and must be struck down with a slingshot. *'Beeut '- Batlike foes that flit about in dark areas. *'Ghostey '- Undead enemies that float in midair and cannot permanently be defeated. *'Secret Service Agent' - George W. Bush's defense system, who must be defeated with high-level weapons. *'Morbidly Obese Agent' - Corpulent agents that are carted around in wheelbarrows by other agents, and require more hits to defeat. *'High Agent' - Stoned agents that are far easier to defeat than their counterparts, but are also more unpredictable. *'Mrs. Bush' - Speedy female enemies wearing red dresses that hit SquareBoy with purses. *'Fountain '- Robotic fountains that spray water at SquareBoy and can knock him back. *'Terrible Tree' - Sentient trees that fling SquareBoy off of them and whack him with their branches. *'Vinny Vulture' - Sneaky vultures that hide in Terrible Trees and attack by pecking. *'Benjamin Butt' - Small, weak servants of Big, Bad Butt Cheeks that mainly just bounce around and fart. *'Guard Dawg' - Aggressive-looking bulldogs that are chained to fences and lunge at SquareBoy. *'Funny Pad' - Friendly lilypads that must be traversed in World 13, but will turn into Frowny Pads if attacked. *'Frowny Pad' - Grouchy lilypads that spit flowers and other lake goop. Bosses *'Hangcat '- Boss of World 1, Greeny Greenhouse, and fought in the level Hanging Gardens. A large, ferocious, limbless cat that hangs by a rope from a tall tree. She attacks by swinging back and forth and biting, and SquareBoy must hit her vulnerable stomach to defeat her. *'Cactus Creepo' - Boss of World 2, Doomy Desert, and fought in the level Blistering Badlands. A giant, sentient cactus brought to life by George W. Bush's magic dust. Although stationary, it can spit out poisonous drool. It must be defeated up close, although SquareBoy must avoid its bite. *'Torchtle' - Boss of World 3, Throw-Your-Cookies Volcano, and fought in the level Steamtorch Sauna. A flying turtle with a volcano on top of its shell. It flies around and shoots balls of fire from its shell at SquareBoy, and must be struck out from the sky and onto its back. *'Magic Chest/Djinn' - Boss of World 4, Djinn's Hideout, and fought in the level Lucid Labyrinth. A mysterious flying treasure chest that chases SquareBoy through the whole level. Once he finds the key, SquareBoy must stun the chest long enough to open it and then fight the Djinn, who has magical powers, from the inside. *'Bubblebutt' - Boss of World 5, Beachy Palm Beach, and fought in the level Bubble Butte. A large, big-lipped fish that farts out bubbles and has a school of Growlguts following it. Bubble Butt's stomach is its weak spot, but SquareBoy must beware not to be swallowed. *'Chunky Monkey' - Boss of World 6, Jingle Jungle, and fought in the level Treacherous Treetops. A morbidly obese primate with quivering jowls that hides in treetops and drops bombs. SquareBoy must use a baseball mitt to catch the bombs and chuck them back up at Chunky Monkey to get him out of the trees. *'Nater Skater' - Boss of World 7, Ice Skating Kink, and fought in the level Snowbound Stadium. A tall, extremely fast man wearing ice skates. As Nater Skater does laps around the ice skating arena, SquareBoy must intercept him and stomp on his head to weaken him. *'The Rocker' - Boss of World 8, Rocky Mountain, and fought in the level Pendulous Peak. A living potato who plays the electric guitar. His guitar's sonic waves can stun SquareBoy, so he must hide behind boulders and then hit The Rocker while he's tuning. *'Lanternion' - Boss of World 9, Spooky Bayou, and fought in the level Rapid Raft Wrath. A possessed lantern demon that chases SquareBoy through the dimly-lit bayou, hiding in the water and bursting out behind the raft. Each time it is successfully hit, it grows another head. SquareBoy must eventually use a water gun to put out all three of its heads, but must also make sure the raft's lantern doesn't go out. *'George W. Bush/Dick Cheney' - The dual bosses of World 10, The White House, and fought in the level The Final Battle...?. This president/VP duo serves as the final fight of the main storyline. Bush operates a massive tank and his fight is rather straightforward once his tank is blown up, but Cheney knows advanced magic and also wields a rifle. SquareBoy has to resort to hand-to-hand combat to take the Republicans down. *'Big, Bad Butt Cheeks' - Boss of World 11, Pine Tree Panic, and fought in the level Coniferous Carnage. A hairy, sentient, disembodied buttocks (implied to be the preserved butt of Abraham Lincoln) that burrows underground, with massive pine trees sprouting from it like tentacles. After all four pine trees are chopped down with the axe, Big, Bad Butt Cheeks emerges from the ground and sprays various deadly forms of feces at SquareBoy in the second phase of the fight. *'Bush Dog' - Boss of the secret mini-world Bush Dog's Domain. Bush Dog is also known as George W. Bush's pet terrier, Barney. His fight is more of a puzzle, as SquareBoy must track him down in a maze and then challenge him to various minigames before the two square up one-on-one. *'Lilly Pad Lips' - Boss of the secret world Lilypad Lake. A giant entity made up of two lilypads serving as eyes and an enormous pair of chapped lips. It lurks in the background of the stage, and SquareBoy must shoot frogs at the lips to make them swell until they explode. Unlockables *'Squareaoh Costume '- Pay $500 to be an ancient Egyptian square. *'Squarebot Costume '- For $500, SquareBoy can dress up as a robot. *'Suit and Tie Boy Costume '- Give SquareBoy a classy suit, toupee, and sunglasses for $500. *'cheese! Costume' - Turn SquareBoy into a hunk of cheese for $1000. *'GhostBoy' - SquareBoy merges with a Ghostey for $1000. *'SquareGirl '- For $1000, you can play as SquareBoy in drag. *'George Washingsquare Costume '- Play as the first president of the Squares for only $1500. *'AlienBoy' - Includes a ray gun! Sold for $1500. *'Dracula!' - The exclamation point proves that this is a very good costume, which can be bought for $1500. *'Zomboy' - SquareBoy becomes undead for $1500. *'Death' - The Grim Reaper can be played for $5000, if you know how to unlock it... *'World 11' - Beat World 10, George W. Bush, and Dick Cheney. *'World 12' - Find the alternate pathway in World 10-4. *'World 13' - Pay $1500 and beat World 12. *'Boss Battles' - If you've beaten all bosses, this is available for $5000. *'Hangcat Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $10 in Greeny Greenhouse and beating Hangcat. *'Cactus Creepo Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $20 in Doomy Desert and beating Cactus Creepo. *'Torchtle Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $30 in Throw-Your-Cookies Volcano and beating Torchtle. *'Djinn/Magic Chest Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $40 in Djinn's Hideout and beating Magic Chest. *'Bubblebutt Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $50 in Beachy Palm Beach and beating Bubblebutt. *'Chunky Monkey Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $60 in Jingle Jungle and beating Chunky Monkey. *'Nater Skater Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $70 in Ice Skating Kink and beating Nater Skater. *'The Rocker Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $80 in Rocky Mountain and beating The Rocker. *'Lanternion Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $90 in Spooky Bayou and beating Lanternion. *'George W. Bush Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $100 in The White House and beating George W. Bush. *'Dick Cheney Trophy' - Unlocked by beating Dick Cheney. *'Big, Bad Butt Cheeks Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $110 in Pine Tree Panic and beating Big, Bad Butt Cheeks. *'Bush Dog Trophy' - Unlocked by collecting $120 in Bush Dog's Domain and beating Bush Dog. *'Lilly Pad Lips Trophy ' - Unlocked by collecting $130 in Lilypad Lake and beating Lilly Pad Lips.